Writing about our friend R the other day got me to thinking about the whole pick up/hook up process. How do you scoop (term I picked up from my bf who used back in college) on someone? Is it different if you meet someone at the bar than if they’re a friend? Do you just hint about it or are you forthright about it? It seems to me that picking up a third for the threesome is much more complicated than just picking up someone single person to single person.

Picking up a single person is a game we all understand. Make some small talk, flirt a little, generally just get to know the other person. You both know that you’re going through this ritual in the hopes of forming some sort of relationship — maybe something meaningful or maybe just sex — but in any case you’re both aware that this is the end goal. The minute that guy or girl walks up to you in the bar you know what it’s all about. What’s the first thing you think when that guy or girl approaches you in the bar? What if a couple started to talk to you? My bf and I could chat with a girl at the bar all night long — really hit it off, but at the end of the night, without directly asking her if she’s interested in having sex with us, we don’t have any clue if that’s what she’s thinking about.

We’re not exactly the couple you’d expect to take you home. We’re friendly, funny and interesting. We’re the couple who you would feel safe chatting with until your friends arrive or after they have paired off with other single folk. We are sexy as hell in bed, but we don’t exude it or flirt constantly. So, how do we convey our desire to have sex with a girl without scaring her off or offending her? Hardly anyone is direct about the desire to have sex with someone they’ve just met. I have some friends who are constant flirts, who exude sexuality and desire, so they make it pretty clear when they meet someone new that they’re looking for a sexual relationship first and foremost. But, as I mentioned, we’re just not those people.

Every woman we’ve hooked up with we’ve met online. We’ve had an online profile for many years and meet a lot of lovely women, so I’m not complaining about not getting enough, but I’ve always wanted to get dolled up, go to the bar and bring someone home with us for some fun in the bedroom… or the living room… or the kitchen! We’ve befriended the bartenders and a few bar regulars, but we’ve never been able to close the deal — or really even initiate it. We all know that part of a bartender’s job is to flirt with the patrons, so it’s basically impossible to tell if they are the least bit interested in us. Even the girls we meet online are hard to read sometimes. Some are very open about their sexuality and in no way hesitate to tell us what they’re looking for from us in bed and are eager to get naked. C was one of these girls. After our first time together she was open about wanting to have sex with my bf if he had sex with me while we were all together. She said it made her too horny just to watch him fuck me and even though we both made her orgasm using our fingers and tongues, she still wanted in on the sex. Other girls are still shy even after numerous encounters. S is one of the shy ones. We’ve hooked up with her numerous times, but she’s too shy to initiate anything or talk about what she wants from us. However, once we’re all naked in bed her shyness dissipates and she’ll be the first one to pull out a dildo to fuck me with. Both great stories, but for another time!

Given that even the women who know what they want and are actively searching for a threesome are prone to being too shy to initiate sex, how do we follow through on a pick up at the bar? Has anyone ever been successful with this? I’d love to hear your story and maybe learn a thing or two!